sharpening the knives

knives were on the to do list I took them to Pasadena farmers market dramatic against the cloudy mountains at 8 in the morning why would anybody live down here when there is such an up there in those clouds our village is not in the mountains it is in the valley it is not agricultural it is urban and its people somewhat unskilled we don’t know how to split wood a few of us and sadly I don’t count myself among this number though I know I got it in me far fetched as that may sound considering I grew up on a country club know how to grow blueberries or butcher a pig everything is delivered on a platter silver or styro it don’t matter our village is not in the mountains nor near Hama nor surrounded by ghosts or rebel forces who have all sharpened their knives too the shit is going to come at that village in the clouds from all sides best of luck telling the good from the bad the oppression from the democracy the coin doesn’t even have two faces it has a single face so don’t bother to flip it no matter how it lands it‘s going to come up throat-cutters the man at the market did a top notch job with the sharpening I cut myself already almost not really just flayed a little sliver of fingertip skin back when I was wiping the blade it was careless oversight quite frankly nothing to write al-Qubair about dear body part let me tell you I know exactly how you feel a letter wouldn’t get through at this particular juncture anyway all I am trying to do is make a little dinner with a very sharp knife and there are terrible pictures flitting before me in thought having read the reports and listened to some handwringing on national public radio who are we kidding well ourselves what the fuck are we doing well we are trying to go about our business and make dinner why and I can’t imagine it is only me that is struggling with this conundrum has it become so difficult to go on as if nothing was going on as though the face of the world were not boiling over to just portion the fish as if it will turn up endlessly beneath the knives to throw up our hands as if we all belonged to the UN to hold back tears when I think of the old city of Damascus the shops shuttered and everyone in there and in al-Qubair and in the whole world well at least a few people waiting for something else terrible to happen avid readers of blog I wish I had better news for you but I won’t