high concept

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whenever I hear restaurant shop talk I am mildly perplexed by the bandying about of the word concept “what's their concept” “he's working on a concept but no one knows what it is it's very hush hush” “she's putting together a cool concept for a high-heeled soup kitchen in Hollywood" “just heard about so and so's new cuban/russian concept bay of pigs have you been yet” and so on so I am putting some concepts together they have everything to do with who I am as a person and as a cook which is highly conceptual when you think about it and conceptual is a cut above virtual in my book so in advance of the real so avant real it is unreal that a concept might taste good it might get some yelping whelp's seal of approval it might draw some attention for a while before being picked over chewed up and spit out by twitter-brains here are a few I am chewing on myself in my idle get rich quick scheming hours BLUNCH open daytime weekends only serving refined takes on classic dimsum bites the front of house mark of distinction is white male waiters drawn from the 1% dressed in tiny tuxedos huge thick eyeglasses fake top front buck teeth peter sellers style speaking hopelessly mangled english “must have studied old benny hill skits and be able to push a cart around a room” that could fly but a little place called FIN could too the menu focuses on creative use of shark carcasses that have been ripped of their fins and would otherwise rot in the sea the alternate name for this joint is WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU HUMANS YOU ARE A BUNCH OF SAVAGE ASSES a similar theme is given a workout at SOUK with its dim interior of charred stone wood and metal not stark it is appealingly minimal yet rich with the illusion of being rich with centuries of memory and a frequently changing menu based on items formerly found in the Aleppo souk before humans torched it in a quest for freedom power domination democracy or something maybe I need to keep things simple what about PIGS FEET for PINK TOES retro soul food for neohipsters google it or BARNYARD farm-to-table is so pre-nose-to-tail it is hopelessly in need of an update our carefully handcrafted artisinal ambiance retains all the sweat and shit and stink of the farm because it is simply insufficient to think that knowing where your carrot came from or how your pork chop lived will make you any less alienated from the labor involved in getting it from farm to table yeah yeah yeah I ought to rethink this one unless I want to call it COMMIE HIGH HORSE maybe these all seem a little forced downright inedible or with an edge so dull it could hardly be called cutting all I really want to do is baby be friends with you make you some good food in a lovely place that is my concept it might have legs

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