death by chocolate

it is something of a small leap well I mean it's not like someone walked on the moon or anything but it's not nothing either that more americans can say syria now than could some years ago and one or two of them can pinpoint the landmass on a map but at the same time it is terrifying that devastation is what it takes and even then it just barely registers I hear little peeps of news I can’t read very well now it is not that this skill is in remission it's just that the words fall apart under my eyes I need to have someone radio me the news directly and even then it’s hard to take even the little bits leave me speechless and teary unable to swallow I don’t need a steady diet of images to see what's going on the imagination has been made vivid across years of looking at what humans have done to one another besides at the moment I can’t watch tv there is no tv in our home I sometimes see tv at the dentist where someone thought it would be a good idea for the patient to watch cnn while getting drilled or at the pump when filling the car with gas but that’s not real tv that’s pump tv and I don’t think they are streaming footage of bodies sliced up by government forces in beiyda and banyas and though I use it for emotional and logistical reasons I don't believe in the internet because how do you know where to begin with the endless parade of voices I can’t aggregate filter screen or discern so the only news I can handle and really I can’t at all is a box of chocolates brought back from amman jordan by a friend they are made by ghraoui a chocolatier based in damascus still at it in wartime maybe they are doing a brisk business with well-heeled supporters of the regime maybe the rebels or the opposition whoever they are at this point are shelling out for chocolates to keep their morale up I doubt it they don’t have the lirat for that the box is on the table right here bright orange and very cheery at first I thought how nice someone from syria has sent a box of chocolates they are thinking of us what with boston and all that the thought ridiculous but not at all far fetched after all there are syrians sending their condolences to boston on the web it is very nice of them to be thinking of the rest of the world at this particular time in their shitshow present and some people in boston are reaching out in return this is a kind of grace made easier though perhaps too more complicated by an internet how close we can seem to come and yet how far apart we remain we remain facts on the ground in very different places but still it is almost like touching like almost but it would also not be a terrible thing I suppose to cut to the chase to post a picture that says hello syrians the reign of terror and death you are subject to is not like boston in the least but we love you and we are watching you at the gas pump and please don’t worry israel is going to take care of everything sorry we cant lift a finger despite all the prattle about red lines and chemical weapons use as a marker of utter terribleness as though all the other ways one can get done in syria style are incapable of generating a red line no nothing gets the big boys hackles up like chemical weapons use that is beyond the pale if you are sliced up and dumped in a ditch the most obvious and visible of ditches of course if you are made into a sign for others in this age-old manner it is not so utterly terrible that it will bring down the wrath of the apathetic upon your land you have to die a spectacular choked up mess in a cloud of gas to get anyones attention around here then you can be at the very least cause for some concern once we establish the facts because this is something we civilized humans have decided we should not do to each other it is against the law I guess slicing and dicing is not slicing and dicing is chopped liver in this calculus chemical weapons use is caviar is a box of high end chocolates it is the moral equivalent of death by chocolate but all that stupid dessert name means in this instance is that I am eating out of the gift box as I take in some grim news I am working my way through the syrian version of godivas they are medium quality too much hazelnut too much milk not enough bitterness chocolates from syria should be so bitter as to be inedible but I would go on eating them anyway while I try again in spite of my illiteracies to read something about ugliness in the land of ghraoui sweets the news tricking me into thinking the world is so small if there were not oceans between us you could reach out from aleppo smack the box out of my hands and say how could you do such a thing while so much death is being dished out and speechless already from reading about you I would be speechless all over again because you somehow managed to touch me